John, I miss you.
It is late (or early), I know, but I cannot hold back this emotion any more. I miss my best friend - one that was once like a brother. We departed sometime shortly during my recovery of lung cancer, and I am sure it was a decision that was made within his best intentions. Although I do have some reservations about his choice, I do miss him and I wish he'd come back since I am better now.

I can only assume that my best friend and brother, John, disappeared from my life shortly after my surgery from Stage 1A lung cancer, because he was unable to handle my diagnosis. Many years before my diagnosis, his mother was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. His mother was like a mother to me once, as my dad was to him, and it was during a time of much confusion, frustration, and heartache. Many actions were much out of our control as our parents were both divorced, and my father and his mother dated each other, [a forbidden romance] however it ultimately brought us together as (I once thought) lifelong siblings.

His mother died from bone marrow cancer, and when I was diagnosed with lung cancer I sensed this was a huge problem [in his eyes] with major connections. I have survived cancer, but our friendship did not. It is times like these when I am reminiscing on our relationship, graduating college, experiencing something big or impactful, or simply need someone to talk to and hug that I wish he had not gone away. But I cannot blame him, and I never will.


I hope to see him again, as I have many times. And if you are listening, "I love you".