In case you didn't know, dealing with death and dying is hard.
If you have ever lost someone you love or are currently going through the process of a death, you know it is not easy. Death is inevitable - you will grieve emotionally, feel depressed, blame yourself, or even wish you could have taken their place in death. If you don't know the famous psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., now is the time.

Kubler-Ross, M.D. (July 8, 1926-August 24, 2004) became widely known for her studies about near-death, and famously wrote a fascinating and groundbreaking book called On Death and Dying in 1969. Within this book, Kubler-Ross, M.D. announced that there is in fact a death and dying process. Her model of stages are infamous and have continued to guide psychiatrists, and the general public alike. Kubler-Ross', M.D. work on this study does not only apply to those currently grieving or going through an actively dying situation, but it is also for those surviving after one's death. Kubler-Ross', M.D., work in the field of psychology has changed society's view of death and dying. During her lifetime, Kubler-Ross, M.D. was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame (2007), received twenty honorary degrees, was a professor of death and dying courses at numerous colleges, ran seminaries, medical schools, hospitals, and social-work institutions all for the education of the process of death and dying. One of her most prized awards may have been in 1970 when she delivered the The Ingersoll on Human Immortality at Harvard University, of course focused on death and dying.

If you are still wondering why I am telling you about this book, the reason is simply that it is universally for everyone. There will never be a point in time where you will avoid death, it is inevitable and must be faced head on. I strongly suggest that you read the book On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D, but if you are just ready to heard some main points stay here, continue to read this post, and I hope it finds you well.

Here are some questions to think about: What is grief? Is there any such thing as a 'normal grieving process'? How should I understand someone else's grief?
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D. says that "grief is a natural process of death and dying". Although the process is not pathological in nature, grief is a "necessary response to helping heal from the overwhelming sense of loss when a loved one dies". Kubler-Ross, M.D. believed that understanding grief was an important part of being a human. Kubler-Ross, M.D. has written a check-list of sorts on how to grieve, which mainly pertains to a human's basic needs of living. The list in short is as follows - the remaining list can be found at Kubler-Ross', M.D website http://www.ekrfoundation.org/.

• Seek therapy - Kubler-Ross, M.D. suggests a support group, but I also suggest individual or family counseling.
• Journaling - You can use writing as a way to express feelings through poetry, short stories, memory books, or blogging.
• Eating well - Kubler-Ross, M.D. says that eating healthy food and taking supplements are a good way to keep yourself on the right track during your grieving process.
• Exercise - Kubler-Ross, M.D. suggests taking walks, jogging, aerobics, or even cleaning a living area, because any physical exertion will relieve stress. Also, it may give you a chance to reflect on your situation.
• Get rest - Kubler-Ross, M.D. says that "grief drains your emotional battery and you will need to recharge more often".
• Read and learn about death-related grief responses - Kubler-Ross, M.D. suggests that educating yourself on other people's experiences with death-related grief may help control your experiences and environment, which may help reduce feelings of vulnerability.

So what are the five stages of death and dying?
In a nutshell, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D. explains the process of death and dying in five stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. All stages do not necessarily happen in order, because they can be repeated. However, once a person has reached the acceptance stage the process will most likely conclude. I do not recall if Kubler-Ross, M.D. gave a time frame to this process, but my studies have told me that the average and 'normal' grieving process is 30 days. After 30 days, if depression still exists to the point where one cannot function in daily life, the cause may be an adjustment disorder, which can begin within the first 3 months of a traumatic event (death, sexual abuse, family conflict).

Stage # 1
Denial and Isolation
"Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned". Although denial is a natural defense mechanism, some people tend to become overwhelmed within this stage. "Denial is usually a temporary defense and will soon be replaced by partial acceptance" (p.53).

Examples of denial and isolation:

• Down-grading a terminal condition
• Refusing immediate and/or necessary treatment
• Closing yourself out from friend, family or the outside world - not wanting to be bothered

Stage # 2
Anger
"People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them". "When the first stage of denial cannot be maintained any longer; it is replaced by feelings of anger, rage, envy, and resentment" (p.63).
Examples of anger:

• "Why me?"
• Not being able to place yourself in another's shoes: prolonging a hospitalization, unpleasant tests with many limitations and cost
• Unreasonable expectations

Stage # 3
Bargaining
"If we have been unable to face the sad facts in the first period and have been angry at people and God in the second phrase, maybe we can succeed in entering into some sort of an agreement which may postpone the inevitable..." (p.93).

Examples of bargaining:

• Proposing a 'deadline'
• Offering a prize for good behavior
• Creating unreasonable or unrealistic expectations that are to be met in a certain time frame, and having an equal unreasonable or unrealistic grand prize for that action

Stage # 4
Depression
"When the terminally ill patient can no longer deny his illness, when he is forced to undergo more surgery or hospitalization, when he begins to have more symptoms or becomes weaker and thinner; he cannot smile it off anymore" (p.97).

Example of depression:

• Encouragements and reassurances are not as meaningful (p.99)
• Regrets and feeling as a failure
• Beyond the exception of reality - an overwhelmed feeling of sadness, fear, and uncertainly

Stage # 5
Acceptance
"I have got my leave. Bid me farewell, my brothers!
I bow to you all and take my departure.
Here I give back the keys of my door - and I give up
all claims to my house. I only ask for last kind words
from you.
We were neighbors for long, but I received more
than I could give. Now the day has dawned and the
lamp that lit my dark corner is out. A summons has
come and I am ready for my journey" (p.123)

Examples of acceptance:

• Emotional detachment and objectivity
• Feeling neither depressed or angry about the current 'fate'

"Acceptance should not be mistaken for a happy stage. It is almost void of feelings. It is as if the pain had gone, the struggle is over, and there comes a time for 'the final rest before the long journey'..." (p.124)

Resources:

• About Grief - Learn about grief
• Five Stages of Grief - Learn about the five stages of grief
• Find resources - Find specific grieving resources per illness